hell yes lets make some ravioli
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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