i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
