dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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