Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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