Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
