Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
