I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
