Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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