There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
