In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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