i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
