i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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