The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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