Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
