dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize