I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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