I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Houston, we have a blender
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
