I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
