HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
