I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
