I'm really into asian looking animals
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
