Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
