You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize