Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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