Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
