somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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