I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
