I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
