it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
