At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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