IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
