I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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