this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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