Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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