I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
