My brain says no but my pants say off.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
