I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
BRING THE BAGELS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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