Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize