We're facebook friends in real life
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
