Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
