She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
