I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
