We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this is an emotional support booty call
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
