Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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