You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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