Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
