By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
