My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
