took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
