you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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