I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
