Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this hospital has no fireball
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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