What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
