my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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