i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize