We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
