Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
