Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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