im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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