me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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