You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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