The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
