so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
